He likes your hair long, so you grow it out. He likes to grill, so you add steak and hamburgers to your diet. He likes SportsCenter, so Chris Burman is your new best friend.

If any of this sounds familiar, it might be time to take stock in your relationship.

Everybody knows the virtues of compromise, and the importance of give and take. But sometimes, women give in and give up a little too much.

One of those women was Sabrina Elkins, who six years ago was a 22-year-old radiology student at a Tennessee college. Her relationship with a domineering, controlling boyfriend escalated so violently that when they would fight, he would pull clumps of hair from her head.

She had to get her hair cut three times to fix the damage he had done.

Sabrina Elkins

“I pretty much gave up myself and my personality,” Elkins said. “It got so bad I dropped out of school. I lost weight; I cut my hair.”

Over three and a half years, Elkins buried and denied her feelings, and came to accept the dangerous relationship.

Thirty-six-year-old Liza Timmons is in the process of ending a 14-year marriage that also usurped her identity.

Looking back, Timmons realizes that she sacrificed her career, her education and her family to support her husband’s Naval career. The constant moving made it difficult for her to develop a life of her own, outside of her relationship with him.

Eventually, she stopped trying.

“You put your friends on the back burner,” she said. “And then you have to start all over again.” Air escaped Timmons’ lips as she looked skyward. “Now that I think about it, I’m getting mad.”

Both Timmons and Elkins eventually found their way out. Elkins, now 28, moved away from the boyfriend and to Pensacola, finding her roots, regaining her freedom and rediscovering herself along the way.

She is now a radiographer at Gulf Breeze Hospital, and is in a healthy relationship.

“I’ve met a great guy who has supported who I am,” Elkins said. “Women are strong creatures.”

Two local experts say that if you recognize yourself in either of these women, it’s time to make some changes.

Licensed marriage and family therapist, motivational speaker and author Carol Lankton, and internationally syndicated columnist, talk show host and author of “Lessons on Love and Life,” Rhiannon Waits, weigh in on six areas of your life that you should never abandon for a relationship:

DON’T GIVE UP YOUR:

1. IDENTITY

What many women do:

Women lose their sense of identity for the sake of “coupledom,” Lankton said. She often tells couples that your partner is always the second runner-up as an expert in who you are.

“I used to make my own daughter chant ‘My worth is independent of my partner’s approval,’ Lankton said. “It gets lopsided and distorted so often when you’re in love.”

What to do instead:

• Accomplish things that make you proud of who you are. Meeting your personal goals will keep your self-confidence independent of what your partner thinks of you.

• Maintain your own likes and dislikes.

• Spend time with friends who share your interests.

2. APPEARANCE

What many women do:

Dressing to please your partner can lead to surrendering your own taste.

What to do instead:

• Make sure YOU think you’re pretty, Waits said.

• Resist the temptation to let yourself go. Be beautiful for your sake, not his.

3. FRIENDS AND FAMILY

What many women do:

The tendency is to snuggle up with your significant other, shutting out those who’ve been with you through thick and thin. But don’t fall into the trap of depending on your partner to meet all your needs. That’s what friends and family are for. Then, you won’t get frustrated when he acts bored 10 minutes into your spiel about what to wear.

What to do instead:

• Set a specific “girls’ night” of the week when no boys are allowed.

• Share your relationship issues with each other. You can find out you’re not alone, and learn ways other women handle similar situations.

• Your friends can also alert you to a serious problem you may be blinded to.

 4. CAREER AND EDUCATION

What many women do:

Despite 40 years since the feminist movement, women still sacrifice their education or careers in favor of their man’s dreams.

“Too many women still think the man is the one that should support them,” Waits said. 

What to do instead:

• Your career should not take second place to his career. If you get a better opportunity somewhere, the possibility of your moving to pursue it should be open for discussion, just as you would if he had a new opportunity.

5. TIME

What many women do:

What about that friend you call up, who is unavailable to hang out unless the boyfriend is otherwise occupied?

You might be that woman.

“It can be a hazard in relationships,” Lankton said. “You need to protect your time for yourself, even if you need more of it than your partner.”

What to do instead:

• Don’t give up your need for time alone. Establish with your partner how much time you need to be with friends or family — and when — in order to feel fulfilled.

• However, it’s still important to make time for him, so he feels like a valuable part of your life. But your alone- and friend-time is valuable, too.

Whether it’s retaining the right to the remote control or banishing the expectation that YOU have to change toilet paper roll, the small stuff adds up.

Waits’ husband hates the television show “Everybody Loves Raymond.” But she gets to watch it anyway.