Confessions of a serial trend follower.
By Sharla Gorder
I had very large hair.
And massive, Atlas-Shrugged-sized shoulders.
And platform shoes you could land a fighter jet on.
Of course I didn’t sport all these fashion trends at once. But through the decades, I’ve jumped on every faddish bandwagon that rolled my way.
For better … and for worse.
The ’70s are still my favorite, and to this day, I retain fashion flourishes from that colorful era. I still have a pair of Liberty Bell inspired jeans in my closet. And a bright flower power maxi dress. And a crocheted halter top that I haven’t worn since I was 13.
By the time the ’80s rolled around, I was officially a grown-up-working-woman and obliged to wear a uniform for the first time in my life. But even that was trendy. Renowned fashion mogul Adolfo designed the Pan Am flight attendant uniform — with those vast white collars that could knock me out in strong wind and a jaunty neck scarf cinched tight around my windpipe. I added some Linda Evans inspired shoulder pads to the ensemble to make my size four hips look smaller and permed hair look bigger.
The ’90s were schizophrenically fashion forward. I actually owned a pair of AR 670-1 regulation army boots that I had to have my husband help me lace up. I wore those monstrosities with sweet little slip dresses in shades of mauve and persimmon.
But my workout wear was perhaps my most glorious fashion faux pas. I wore iridescent dance tights under G-string leotards that bisected my body in very indelicate ways. And my headband always matched my leg warmers.
The turn of the century made me sad fashion-wise. I just couldn’t do it. Utra-low-rise jeans with two-inch zippers were paired with tops cropped barely below the bosom. Paris and Britney and Christina were really the only ones who could rock this look, but many tried.
Not me. I sat this one out and waited for the pendulum to swing. By 2007 I was raiding my great aunt Mickey’s closet for velour. Track suits were all the rage.
The 2010s ushered in a fashion trend that was both practical and flattering for me. Finally! The rise of “ath-leisure” couture allowed me to wear my “work clothes” (I was a fitness trainer) everywhere. Lululemon, Athleta and Vuori were the posh places to shop the trend; but Target, Bealls and even Walmart could fill in in a pinch. I still own a pair of shimmery butterfly leggings that I got on clearance for a dollar at the Superstore down the highway.
And now. You’d think after 50 years of this slavish devotion to fleeting fashion fads, I might decide to throw in the towel and settle into something sensible that has stood the test of time — like Levis 501s or crisp white button downs or ruby red lipstick.
But where’s the fun in that?
No, the fun is in giant white sneakers with tractor tire tread. And toddler inspired jumpsuits. These baggy little rompers barely touch my body anywhere and come in a rainbow of colors. I look rather ridiculous in them. So I bought four.
So, what’s next?
I have no idea. But AI does.
I asked ChatGPT to plan my wardrobe for me. The results were uncanny. With little more information about me than name, rank and serial number, AI proclaimed my “style goal” to be “effortless chic with a playful edge.”
“Playful….” I love that. Maybe that’s why the rompers appeal to me so much. Yesterday, at a birthday party for a friend’s one-year-old, I found myself coveting the birthday girl’s outfit — a sweet little strawberry-print ensemble with bloomers.
Bloomers…hmmm. Do they make them in size 4?
