A look at body dysmorphia and the continuous negative thoughts many women struggle with
When you look in the mirror what do you see?
The reflection tends to go deeper than what looks back at us. Gazing into the windows of our eyes, every line on our face, each pudge or scar tells a story of our past, a look at our present and a yearning for what will be reflected in the future. Typically, it’s a harsh assessment and critique of self instead of a celebration of a life lived. Unapologetically we rip ourselves apart with ridicule - we aren’t nice. Our self-worth is tightly tied to the reflection we see in the mirror.
A message sent into the social media universe looking for women experiencing any level of body dysmorphia received an alarming number of replies.
“I turned 36...Ijust hate what I see in the mirror-I’ve gained 30 pounds; everything is flabby and wrinkly and has cellulite. I hate my neck, my teeth, all of it.. .while I keep telling myself- you ’re aging, things are slowing down, etc., ’I see young, perfect, skinny women everywhere - it seems to be all I see when I go in public. ”
“My struggle with the pursuit of thinness and body dysmorphia always had its roots in generational ideas of weight, beauty and self-worth. When I started having the body I have, my mother didn’t understand why I wasn’t 110 pounds and would try not to criticize, but also didn’t try to accentuate the positives - how strong I was, how much healthier I was— it was still a struggle. It all takes a toll. I had to learn that my body was different, had different needs, and that has taken time. ”
“I saved a pair of dress slacks that I wore as a med student to remind me how thin I really was when I was convinced that I was fat. Ifinally accepted myself after going through lengthy counseling for codependency after a divorce at 40.1 have so much respectfor the women of all sizes who wear their tight workout gear with confidence. ”
The messages were raw, insidious and heartbreaking.
Woman after woman commented with the continuous negative thoughts they feel about themselves, their daily struggles and the inability to “keep up.”
The intense hatred of perceived flaws in appearance was palpable.
“I can’t stand the lines on my face. A little filler goes a long way! ”
“I love my kids, but this mom bod has got to go! I don’t even feel attractive anymore. ”
“I’ll do whatever it takes to be skinny. Right now, that means I don’t really eat. ”
WHAT IS BODY DYSMORPHIA?
According to Molly Kasper, licensed marriage and family therapist, body dysmorphia is a mental illness where a person has obsessive focus on real or perceived flaws in their image/ appearance. This more often affects women but can affect anyone of any age.
“I believe social media and the news has exacerbated this issue,” Kasper commented on triggers causing body dysmorphia. “It’s human nature to compare yourself to others, but social media, filters, seeing what celebrities look like, etc. has caused insecurity and unrealistic expectations of what we should look like. There is also an element of shame that often exists that is typically rooted in other things but manifest itself in body image issues and body dysmorphia.”
Kasper said to look out for these warning signs:
• Feeling insecure
• Negative self-talk
• Not wanting to go places because of how you look
• Comparing yourself to others
• Limiting food intake
She also suggests seeking professional help sooner than later.
“Most of these issues are rooted in other places,” Kasper said. “As cliche as it sounds, it’s often hurt and pain from childhood or other relationships causing shame and insecurity. None of us are without hurt from the past, so as soon as you notice any of these symptoms go find a therapist.”
Other suggestions from Kasper include: focus on being healthy not “skinny;” set healthy goals like being strong or running a 5K; don’t compare yourself to others; work to heal from any shame or “not good enough” feelings that exist.
Breaking the tunnel vision of dysmorphic thoughts can be tough. It’s a mirage that youth and being thin is the sole definition of beauty. Loving yourself and finding value in your purpose can help as well as surrounding yourself with those that are not caught up in appearance-related comparisons.
Help another woman and the generation of women coming up see their value by complimenting them on their contributions and life experiences instead of their appearance. By doing so, you affirm worth is not her outer appearance but more profound.
Let’s place more quality on character and accomplishments, starting with the woman you see in the mirror.
"It’s human nature to compare yourself to others, but social media, filters, seeing what celebrities look like, etc. has caused insecurity and unrealistic expectations of what we should look like. There is also an element of shame that often exists that is typically rooted in other things but manifest itself in body image issues and body dysmorphia.” — Molly Kasper, licensed marriage and family therapist
