Fun on the 405

Fun on the 405

By Sharla Gorder

We were stuck. GPS said 2 hours, 32 minutes… to travel a mere 45 miles.

If you’ve ever lived in LA — or even visited for any length of time — you’ll understand the dread the three little digits 4-0-5 can spark in the hearts of anyone wanting to go anywhere at any time. This Southern California freeway consists of eight to 14 lanes of mostly stop-and-sometimes-go traffic at all hours of the day. At times, you could walk your route faster than drive it.

We were stuck driving it. Or parking in it, with occasional bouts of driving here and there.

And it was so much fun. It was perhaps the highlight of my trip back west last month to visit old friends.

You see, I was with my BFotP — my Best Friend on the Planet. Her name is Melendy. I once gave her a little pin for her birthday, a tiny ceramic brooch with two girls linked arm in arm standing atop the planet.

And still, after more than 45 years, we are linked in ways both predictable and uncanny. When we’re together we truly do feel like we’re on top of the world. Throughout our visit, Mellie kept exclaiming, “I can’t believe how synced we are, Sharla.”

We hadn’t spent time together in over a year, and we’ve lived on opposite coasts for decades. And yet, we fell back into our friendship like falling into a brisk lake on a hot day. So refreshing. So exhilarating. So natural.

I often joke that after spending time with Melendy, I feel all new, like I’ve had a blood transfusion and fresh wholesome energy is coursing through my veins.

But our visit wasn’t all laughter and lightness. There were tears. There was sorrow. But it was all made bearable by sharing, right there in that vast parking lot that is the 405 Freeway. Cicero wrote, “Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joys, and dividing our grief.” So true. I would be lost without my BFFs.

At the airport on my way back home after our visit, I was overcome with gratitude as I headed to my gate. James Taylor sang to me over the PA system — “You’ve Got a Friend.” It seemed he was celebrating with me. (And the next song, amusingly, was Dan Fogelberg’s “Missing You.”)

It got me pondering — what is it that makes some friendships so enduring, so special, so bulletproof? And I came up with a surprising answer: My BFFs are all better than me. Ha! (They are also humble and would beg to differ on that point.)

I’m not being coy here, and I’m not suffering from an inferiority complex. I like who I am right now and am excited about who I’m still becoming. And my BFFs often serve as a benchmark and inspiration for my own growth.

Melendy, for example, is the most helpfully altruistic person I’ve ever known. When I’m with her I watch and learn. When we’re apart, I often find myself asking, WWMD? (What Would Melendy Do?) And the answer always guides me to a place of love and compassion.

Other best friends are “better than me” in other ways. Perhaps when I was younger this would make me feel competitive. But these days, it sparks admiration that feels inspiring and hopeful. I still have so much to learn.

And so many friends to make! I often joke that my dance card is never full. I’m always open to new friendships. I realize that it’s often challenging to find the time to nurture the relationships we already have, let alone cultivate new ones. Who has that kind of time?

I think we all do — or perhaps we all should. We don’t need the 405 Freeway to force us to slow down a bit and really engage with the people in our lives. We can do this intentionally by setting aside time to connect with others in meaningful ways. Relationships are our greatest resource. Old ones and new.

Hey, would you like to dance?

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